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The Psychic Receives Yelp Reviews by Chelsea Stickle

from the Screaming Meemies series

Patricia N. 8/9/22

I’ve been to numerous psychics all over the world and none of them have been as rude as this bitch! I told her that my fiancé travels for work and she said he smelled like other women! What an unnecessarily cruel thing to say to a bride!

EDITED 5/10/24

The other night I found condoms in my husband’s suitcase and he told me that he’s been cheating on me the whole time! Bastard had the nerve to say he was relieved to get caught. So I guess she was right, but she could’ve phrased it better.


Alice A. 3/7/22

Her whole vibe is pretty woo-woo. Like incense, velvet, evil eye bullshit. And this woman is super white. She’s definitely appropriating another culture.


Grace Y. 2/22/22

I went in to ask about my mom’s cancer diagnosis and Miss Liza said she would die soon, but from another cause. She wouldn’t say what and now I’m obsessed with every single thing that could go wrong.

EDITED 4/4/22

Well, Miss Liza was right. My mom died in a car crash while my sister was taking her to chemo. My sister survived with a broken nose from the airbag deploying, so she appeared way more messed up. I’d change the star rating, but I don’t know how and it’s hard to say what to give her now. Maybe Mom would still be alive if I drove.


Fern M. 5/23/22

She should’ve seen this one-star review coming!


Mercedes H. 8/30/21

I visited Miss Liza so I could speak to my son again after he drowned under mysterious circumstances. She refused to help me! I offered any amount of money and still she refused! I’ve since found another psychic! I discovered that he hit his head on the dock. It’s a relief to know the truth! Contact Madam Romanov if you really want answers!

P.S. Always wear a life vest!


Barry G. 7/4/23

This Stevie Nicks cosplaying wannabe listened to Rhiannon too many times.


Karen E. 10/3/21

If I could give her negative stars, I would. I came in for a reading on my young son’s future, and this terrible little woman told me he was a monster! When I went home, my son could sense my distress, so I gave him an overview. Now he’s psychologically damaged. He keeps looking at me so sweetly and saying, “Mama, am I a good boy?” I tell him, “Of course you are, sweetheart!” and give him candy. The fact that he worries about this is proof that he’s a good boy! Bad boys don’t worry about such things. I’m thinking about suing for emotional distress. DO NOT GIVE THIS WOMAN YOUR MONEY!!!


Conrad C. 1/22/21

I went to high school with this bitch and she is definitely not psychic! She never predicted fire drills!


Sheila W. 12/28/24

Miss Liza told me my father would die unexpectedly, so we had time to prepare. We took out a life insurance policy and arranged for a will. When all his affairs were settled, we threw a huge goodbye party with champagne, caviar and oysters. A DJ spun all of his favorite songs as we danced until sunup and stumbled home, heels in hand and drunk on togetherness. We spent his last days remembering the good times, the bad times, the times only one of us recalled. We recorded him telling his favorite stories and ones we’d never heard before. We learned dark, true things that we carry in our pockets like smooth river stones. We’re closer than ever, our heads huddled in a circle, unbroken by the loss. Not everyone gets the chance to say goodbye. We can’t thank Miss Liza enough.


Chelsea Stickle is the author of the flash fiction chapbook Breaking Points (Black Lawrence Press, 2021). Her stories appear in CHEAP POP, CRAFT, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Best Microfiction 2021 and others. In 2022 her micro “If You Want It Bad Enough” was selected for Wigleaf’s Top 50. She lives in Annapolis, MD with her black rabbit George and a forest of houseplants. Read more at and find her on Twitter @Chelsea_Stickle.


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